


The Long Way Home

by Bex90



Category: Shameless (US), gallavich - Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Drug Use, M/M, Shameless Big Bang, bipolar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-07-14 15:08:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7176839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bex90/pseuds/Bex90
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here's my Shameless Big Bang Round 5 entry.</p>
<p>It's Ian's s6 story reimagined. This is s6 canon compliant, there's not a lot mentioned until the end because Ian isn't there for much of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There are two people I want to thank. 
> 
> My artist: http://mckmlkvch.tumblr.com/   
> Kerri's gifset is the perfect companion to this fic 
> 
> My beta: http://i-burntoast.tumblr.com/  
> Cinta's meticulous feedback was very helpful and showed me things I never saw. 
> 
> Thanks a million to you both!

“IAN CLAYTON GALLAGHER, GET YOUR SKINNY PASTY, WHITE ASS BACK HERE!” Fiona screamed from the front step as her brother stormed down the street.  
“Fuck off Fiona!” Ian screamed back without looking behind him. His eyes pricked with hot, angry tears as his pace slowed the further he got from the house. His feet seemed to be walking of their own accord because when Ian looked up he was standing in front of a painfully familiar house. Ian’s chest tightened as he stared up at the dilapidated house he had once called home. The house itself was nothing special, it was the people who lived there, no, used to live there, that made it a home. It had been almost six months since Ian had been anywhere near this house and he now remembered why. It hurt. It hurt to stand by the front gate and wonder what kind of reception he’d get. He probably wouldn’t even get past the front door. It hurt to think of the people who used to live there, of one particular person he’d ruined everything with. Did he even live there anymore? Sighing sadly, Ian turned his back on the house and headed for the L. 

~~~~~

It had been approximately 5 months, three weeks and 4 days since he sat on the front step of the Gallagher house and broke Mickey’s heart, not that Ian was counting of course. At the time, Ian thought it for the best, Mickey didn’t deserve to be lumped with Ian and his defective brain. Fiona lined up a job at the diner she worked at but it didn’t last very long, Ian was slow and completely disinterested in being there. He threw the towel in (literally) and stormed out after yet another fight with Fiona who seemed to be keeping very close tabs on her brother; something that infuriated Ian to no end. The redhead didn’t like the attention she was suddenly paying him; why after all this time was she so focused on his life? 

From then on Ian tried to spend as little time at the Gallagher house as possible. He didn’t really do much, just wandered around or hid out at the Albi. At some point, Ian doesn’t really know when or how, he ended up with a janitorial job at Lip’s college. But just like the diner job, this one didn’t last long either. Living with Lip wasn’t the same as it was when they were younger so Ian headed back to the Gallagher house with his tail between his legs. 

Then Caleb came along, like a breath of fresh air. Ian could be a completely different person with Caleb, the firefighter knew nothing of his background and Ian was careful to keep it that way. Sure, there was no intense connection like before and the sex was ok at best, unlike before but Ian was able to convince himself he was happy. They spent several, blissfully ignorant months together, Caleb even planting the idea of a new career path for Ian. Things were just fine until Caleb started asking about meeting Ian’s family. Ian consistently made excuse after excuse as to why the couple couldn’t visit his own house. It didn’t take long for Caleb to get sick of Ian’s excuses, ending the relationship and sending Ian back to the Gallagher house yet again. 

But everything very quickly turned to shit. Again. Ian fought with his siblings more often than not, to the point that they started avoiding him entirely. Fiona tried talking to him more than once but Ian just ended up blowing up at her and sulking in bed for days. Their latest fight had been about nothing new, Fiona really wanted Ian to go down to the clinic and he had no interest in doing that whatsoever. This time Fiona wasn’t backing down and their argument came close to getting physical; something Ian never wanted to do with either of his sisters. So he stuffed a backpack with as many clothes as he could find, dug out his old ROTC sleeping bag and filled his wallet and pockets with all the money he had before storming out.  
~~~~~  
Twenty minutes after leaving the Milkovich house, Ian stepped off the train into a very familiar part of Chicago, Boystown. As usual the area was buzzing with activity. He was barely a block away from the train station and Ian found what he didn’t know he was looking for. Standing at the opening of a dark, nondescript alley was a tall, muscular, dark-skinned man with a perfectly manicured afro.  
“As I live and breathe, is that Curtis?” The man called as Ian got closer.  
“How’s it hanging, Q?” Ian smiled broadly, holding out his hand. Q ignored Ian’s outstretched hand, instead pulling him in for a rough hug.  
“Thought you hung up your gold shorts” Q said, releasing his hold on the redhead.  
I did, but now I’m back. Things got a bit too heavy at home, needed to get out” Ian shrugged, then nodded to the black belt bag that hung low on Q’s hips. “You got any candy for me, Q?” Ian stepped up close to the older man, tugging on the strap of the belt bag, smirking suggestively.  
“And what would my boy be looking for?” Q unzipped the bag slightly and dug through it, producing a small plastic bag of white powder  
“You know me far too well Q” Ian whispered seductively in his ear, licking a line under his ear. “Can I get that on credit? You know I’m good for it”  
“Are you sure you want to go back down that road, Curtis?” Q put his hand on Ian’s chest, attempting to push him away. But Ian wasn’t having any of it, he just directed the hand on his chest down to his crotch.  
“C’mon man, I’ll make it worth your while” Ian licked his lips as he massaged himself with Q’s hand. Q sighed and pulled his hand away. “Curtis, I’m going to tell you this once so listen here, kid. You need to go home and sort your shit out. I was so happy to see that guy of yours get you out of here the last time, what happened to him?”  
The mention of Mickey snapped Ian out of character quick smart. “Fuck you Q, if you’re not going to help me out I’ll find someone else who will” Before Q could reply Ian picked up his bag and stormed out of the alley. As he watched the redhead go in a huff, Quinn pulled out his phone and quickly dialled a number. “Hey Riley, remember that kid you were telling me about? He’s back, just thought you’d want to know”  
~~~~~ 

Ginger Everett was just finishing her show when she spotted Curtis sitting on a stool in the corner of the club, nursing a beer. She thanked her audience before handing the microphone to a stage hand before heading over to the bar.  
“How’s my favourite redhead?” She asked as she slid onto a stool next to Ian. “I didn’t think I ever see you here again”  
“Sorry to be such a fucking disappointment” Ian slurred as he tried to get the attention of the bartender by waving his arm and almost hitting Ginger in the process. “Rory, get over here!”  
“I never said you were a disappointment Curtis” Ginger replied. “Why are you back?”  
“What does it matter to you?” Ian lent back to get a better look at the drag queen and almost toppled off the stool. Ginger automatically reached out to pull Ian back up  
“This fucking bastard is deliberately ignoring me. Ay, I want a fucking drink!” Ian slammed his palm on the bar until Rory paid him attention. Rory sighed and walked over to Ian, placing a large glass of water in front of him. “Here”  
“Fuck you, give me another shot” Ian slurred, gripping the counter to steady himself.  
“I’m cutting you off Curtis” Rory said, running a hand through his shaggy brown hair before turning to Ginger. “Can you make sure he gets home ok Ginger?”  
“Yeah sure, can you keep him here until I get changed?” Ginger stood up and headed out back  
“I’ll try” Rory rolled his eyes as Ian eyed the glass of water was though it had personally offended him. Rory wandered over to some waiting customers at the other end of the bar.  
Fifteen minutes later a man with short brown hair slipped out from behind the bar, dressed in a plain dark sweater and jeans, glancing around the busy bar.  
“Oi, Rory. Where’d Curtis go?”  
“How the hell am I supposed to know? I ain’t his babysitter!” Rory responded, throwing his arms in the air dramatically.  
“I asked you to look out for him!” Riley scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Fucking hell”  
Out on the street Riley looked up and down the road in search of the redhead but couldn’t see hide nor hair of him. “Please be safe Curtis” Riley muttered to himself as he headed home.  
~~~~~  
Ian took advantage of Paul’s distraction and ducked out of the club. He stumbled up the road and down the first alleyway he came across. He leant against the brick wall and put his hands of his knees to steady himself and attempt to clear his vision and stop his world from spinning.  
“You lookin’ for a good time Red?”  
Ian’s head snapped up at the voice. There was a short, heavy-set man standing at the mouth of the alley, blocking the only exit Ian had. Ian sighed and stood up straight to face the man, suddenly feeling very sober.  
“Fuck off” Ian’s voice betrayed his bravado and shook a little.  
“I know you, aren’t you a dancer?” the man took a step forward.  
“What’s it to you?” Ian annoyance lacing his voice as he pushing off the wall.  
“Want some company?” the man stepped closer again. He was now within arm’s reach of Ian.  
“Just fine on my own, thanks” Ian backed up, hitting the wall.  
“Oh c’mon Red, a good-lookin’ kid like you shouldn’t be on his own in an area like this” the man took one last step forward, boxing Ian in. He reached out and ran a hand up Ian’s bare arm. “I have a place nearby” The contact made Ian’s skin crawl.  
“Good for you” Ian pushed off the wall and past the older man, spinning around to make sure he didn’t have his back to him. “Go find some tweaked out twink to screw, you creepy fuck”  
The man swung his arm without warning but Ian managed to duck before he was hit. Ian’s ROTC training kicked in and the guy was on the ground within seconds, moaning in pain. Ian took the chance and bolted from the alley.  
“Fuck” Ian panted, finally stopping several blocks from the club. He was still in Boystown but far enough away from the Fairytail to feel a bit safer. It was only then that he realised that he’d dropped his bag of clothes at some point, thankfully his phone and wallet were still in his back pockets. Ian pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts, his finger hovering over a particular name. Barely a year ago he wouldn’t hesitate to call the familiar number, now all he felt when he saw that name was misery and it was something he desperately wanted to forget. 

Ian pulled himself together and put his phone away before heading towards the nearest club. After flashing his (fake) ID Ian made his way into another club. Unlike at the Fairytail, Ian didn’t know the staff who worked here, hell he didn’t even take notice of what the club was called. He made his way through the crowd of sweaty bodies to the bar and ordered a drink. The downside of not knowing the staff meant he actually had to pay for his drinks. After a couple of shots, Ian got a beer and found a table where he could watch the action. He spent the next few hours working his way back to the buzz he had before the alley incident, the numerous guys hitting on him and buying him drinks certainly didn’t hurt either. 

“You wanna get out of here?” A voice whispered seductively in his ear. Ian could feel a body pressing up against his back and hands curling around his upper arms. Ian didn’t need to know what the guy looked like to know he wanted to fuck him. The voice alone hardened Ian’s cock. He downed the last of his beer and got to his feet before turning to face the guy, pleasantly surprised with what he saw. The guy was only slightly shorter than Ian and his raven black hair was perfectly styled and, fuck, those arms were perfectly toned. He looked young, younger than Ian. His eyes were a dark shade of blue (a little too dark if Ian was being completely honest) but his lips were plump and very kissable “Fuck yes” Ian purred, pulling the guy closer.  
“S…seriously?” The guy stammered, staring up at Ian. “I…I didn’t think that would work” he chuckled nervously as Ian stepped back.  
“What the hell are you doing?” Ian asked. “Are we getting outta here or not?”  
“I…I don’t know what I’m doing” The guy chuckled, rubbing at the back of his neck.  
Ian rolled his eyes. “You’re fucking kidding me? You go to a gay bar, come on to some random and don’t know what happens next?”  
“This is my first time” The guy, no the kid, replied. “I’m only…”  
“I don’t want to know idiot!” Ian cut him off. “There are two things you never tell the guy you pick up at a bar. Your real name and your age, got it?”  
“Um, ok” the kid nodded. Ian didn’t know why he was doing what he was about to do. He took the kid’s hand and led him through the crowd towards the bathrooms. Maybe it was the kid’s inexperience, it rolled off him like sweat. Maybe the kid reminded Ian a little too much of himself.  
“So what name do you use?” The kid asked as Ian pushed him roughly into an empty stall.  
“Would you just shut up and get on your knees?”


	2. Chapter 2

Ian spent the next few weeks in a blur of sex, drugs and dancing. It didn’t take much for him to get his old job back as a dancer at the Fairytail. There weren’t many new faces and he fell back into the routine of dancing on platforms or responding to customer private requests easily. Word of his return got around quickly amongst his old regulars and he’d made over a grand by his fourth night. “Curtis! It’s nice to see you again” a short, balding man with a pot belly said as Ian wandered over and quickly straddled him, confident smirk playing on his lips. 

“I missed you Gary” Ian whispered in Gary’s ear. It was a line Ian had said five times already that night. “You got any candy?”   
“Anything for my favourite redhead” Gary fumbled with the inner pocket of his jacket and pulled out a tiny white pill, offering it to Ian.   
“Thanks baby” Ian whispered in Gary’s ear after swallowing the pill placed on his outstretched tongue.  
Gary practically melted at the pet name and Ian had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. These closeted married men were all the same, happily throwing cash at any hot young thing who showed them the slightest bit of attention. Ian closed his eyes and let the drug in his system take over has he grinded against Gary’s lap and whispered sweet-nothings in his ear.   
“Hey Curtis” Gary put his small, clammy hands on either side of Ian’s face to get his attention. Ian snapped his eyes open and looked down at the man through glazed eyes.   
“Yes Gary?” Ian put on his best ‘you’re my world’ voice. “Not enjoying yourself?”   
“I always enjoy myself with you Curtis…I was just wondering what made you come back” Gary looked uncertain as he spoke.  
“Gary, I’m not here to talk about my personal life, I’m here to give you a fucking lap dance” Ian snapped as he stepped back and held out his hand. “Come find me when you can keep your mouth shut” Gary sighed and dug into his pocket again, slapping a twenty-dollar bill in Ian’s hand before the redhead stalked away. 

“I’m taking a break” Ian said as he passed his boss who was sitting at the bar. Ian made his way into the staff break room and took a seat on the long wooden bench, sighing.   
“Having a good night, baby?”   
Ian turned his head to the source of the voice and came face to face with a drag queen midway through dressing. The man was standing by an open locker with fishnets in one hand, a red wig in the other and a face full of over the top makeup. He was half way through putting on a purple dress.   
“Hey, Riley, just a client getting a little too personal” Ian replied honestly, watching as Riley put on a long red wig and peered into the mirror on his locker door to adjust it.   
“I hope you told him to fuck right off” Riley commented, looking at Ian through the mirror.  
Ian just shrugged and he stood up and wandered over to the lockers and opened his own.   
“Need a little something to take the edge off?” the man commented, nodded at the small bag of white powder Ian was now holding.   
“That and a little liquid courage make this place bearable” Ian shrugged as he set up a line. “Want some?” Ian offered him the bag but the man shook his head.   
“If you need something to take the edge off why do you come here?” the man asked.   
“The ego boost, the easy money, the sex” Ian shrugged as he leant down and snorted the powder into his nose. He inhaled deeply as he straightened up, rubbing at his nose. When Ian turned to face the man again, he was gone; in his place was Ginger Everett.   
“Have a good show Ginger” Ian said as the drag queen quickly adjusted herself one last time.  
“Always do baby!” Ginger shrilled as she flounced back into the club. Ian did one last line before stuffing the bag deep into his locker and slamming the door shut and following Ginger back out into the fray. 

~~~~~

It’s late on a Saturday night and the club his at capacity. Ian let the drugs in his system take over as he closes his eyes and moves his scantily clad body to the rhythm of the music. High up on a platform was were Ian felt safest when he was working. He liked knowing that there were still eyes on his every move but also liked knowing that he was out of the reach of the sleazy old men. The only down side were the tips; while they were still there they weren’t anywhere near as good as when he was giving lap dances or private entertainment. Even the bartenders got better tips than the platform dancers. To combat the disappointment, he felt at having to dance a platform for the first part of his shift, Ian got loaded and ignored the ogling and attempts to get his attention and focussing only on the music until his replacement came over. 

“Take a break and then you’re on the bar” Ian’s replacement said as they traded places.   
“Thanks Max” Ian replied. He weaved his way back through the throng of bodies and slipped behind the bar and into the staff break room.   
“Hey Ginger” Ian greeted the drag queen who was sitting on the bench by her locker, sipping a drink. “How’s the crowd tonight?” Ian unlocked his own locker and pulled his phone, a bottle of water and a small pouch of pills from it.   
“Real bitchy tonight” Ginger sighed. “I can’t seem to do anything right”   
“Can’t please them all I guess” Ian shrugged as he counted out the pills.   
“I thought you were going to stop” Ginger said as she watched Ian pop the pills in his mouth and wash them down with the water.   
“I don’t remember agreeing to that” Ian shot back, shooting her an unholy grin.   
“Fucking smartass” Ginger muttered but smiled despite herself.   
“I’m gonna head back out” Ian stood up and put his stuff away. “I’ll see you later”   
“Have you eaten tonight?” Ginger asked Ian’s retreating back.   
“Yes mom!” Ian called with a wave of his hand. 

~~~~~ 

The second Curtis was out of sight Ginger pulled out her cell.   
“Quinn, please tell me you haven’t sold to Curtis” the drag queen said before he could get a word in,  
“Hello to you too” Quinn rolled his eyes. “No, I haven’t. He hasn’t been back to me after that first night”  
“Someone’s selling to him and I want you to find out who” Ginger said.   
“How am I meant to do that?” Quinn asked. “No-one’s gonna squeal”  
Ginger sighed, slumping against the lockers. “I’m sorry. I’m just worried about him”  
“I get it and I’ll see what I can do but no promises, ok?” Quinn replied.   
“Thank you” Ginger said, steeling herself before continuing. “When are you going to get out?”  
Quinn sighed. This was a conversation they’d had countless times before.   
“You know it’s not that easy” Quinn said quietly.   
“Make it that easy Quinn. I miss you” Ginger said before hanging up on him. 

~~~~~

Ginger didn’t get to speak to Curtis again for a while that night, but she was able to watch him from the stage as he worked the bar. The pills had clearly kicked in; he was moving so fast, she was sweating just looking at him (or maybe that was a huge spotlight on stage). He moved fluidly behind the bar, going from customer to customer, making drinks and laughing with his colleagues. She didn’t miss the sneaky shots he threw back when he thought nobody was watching either.   
The later the night, got the messier Curtis become, but the more tips and attention he received. Everyone wanted to be served by the drunk bartender who was being more than generous when he poured. With her act over for the night, Ginger made her way off stage as the DJ took over and she headed straight for the bar.   
“Want a drink Ging?” Ian slurred when she sat on a stool in front of him.   
“Curtis I think it’s time for you to clock out” Ginger said softly. “You’re getting messy”   
“Bullshit, I’m just fine” Ian said, swaying slightly before throwing his arms out and addressing the bar loudly. “Who wants another drink?!” The crowd cheered around them as Ginger watched Ian set up several shot glasses, filling them and handing free shots out the closest customers. When she couldn’t get his attention again, Ginger decided to get changed. 

Just over thirty minutes later Riley re-emerged to a quiet club. It was well after 3am and the only people around were the last of the staff. It didn’t take Riley long to realise someone was missing. “You seen Curtis, Ben?” Riley asked a tall blonde man who was wiping down the bar.   
“He left with some guy about 10 minutes ago” Ben replied flippantly. “Kid was fucking wasted”   
“Thanks Ben” Riley rolled his eyes at Ben’s lack of concern for his colleague and headed out in the early Chicago morning. Riley didn’t get far from the club when he noticed a familiar head of bright red hair sticking out from an alley.   
“Fucking hell Curtis” Riley muttered when he saw Ian lying unconscious on the ground. The redhead was still wearing his tiny gold shorts and nothing else, thankfully it wasn’t very cold yet. Riley knelt down next to Ian, shaking him looking for a response. Ian made some noise but didn’t wake so Riley pulled the lanky redhead over his shoulder, rising unsteadily to his feet.   
“Christ kid, you’re heavy” Riley muttered as he almost lost his balance, heading in the direction of his apartment.


	3. Chapter 3

Riley was woken a few hours later by some confused swearing. He quickly got out of bed and threw a pair of sweats on as he headed down the hall to the spare room.                                                                       
“Nice to see you conscious, Curtis” Riley said, leaning on the doorframe.                                             
“How’d I get here? Oh shit, did we fuck?” Ian threw his legs over the side of the bed.                                
“You got smashed at work and I found you passed out in an alley as I was leaving” Riley explained.   
“Shit I’m sorry Riley” Ian sighed as he rubbed at his temples. His head was pounding and he could barely remember anything from the night before. Ian glanced around the room, where the hell was his bag? It had literally everything he owned in it.   
“Did I have a bag on me when you found me?” Ian asked.   
Riley shook his head, feeling sorry for the redhead. “Do you remember anything about last night?”   
“Not really, I think I started my shift dancing and then ended up behind the bar” Ian was racking his brain as he spoke. Dancing, too many drugs and a few shots was what he remembered most.   
“What did your bag have in it?” Riley asked.   
“Everything. I was kinda living out of it” Ian avoided Riley’s glance.   
“What do you mean you were living out of the bag?” Riley asked, watching as Ian’s face reddened   
“I’m kinda between places right now. I fell behind on rent and before I knew it my landlord had changed the locks and thrown my stuff out on the front lawn. I’ve been turning tricks for the past few weeks between shifts at the Fairytail so I’d have a bed for a night at least” “That’s fucking shitty. Didn’t you at least get a few warnings first?”                                                                             
“It’s my own fault really, I ignored the letters and I’ve been so tweaked out lately I barely knew what day it was” Ian confessed, his voice thick with emotion. It was clear to Riley that there was more Ian needed to get off his chest but it would take a while for the redhead to feel ready to open up. “How about you crash here for a while? Just until you get back on your feet and figure out your next move” Riley offered.   
                                                                                                                                      
“Really? I can’t give you any money, I don’t have anything” Ian responded. “I know that. I wouldn’t have offered if I wanted your money. You need somewhere safe to come to each night” Riley said. Truth was Ian’s current situation was hitting very close to home and there’s no way Riley could just let Ian walk out without at least offering to help him. “I’ll help out with the cleaning and I can make a mean mac and cheese” Ian said quickly. “Curtis honestly, just focus on getting back on your feet” Riley said, chuckling lightly. “Ok, thank you Riley. I really appreciate the offer” Ian smiled. “But I should tell you something” “What’s that?” “My name isn’t really Curtis, it’s Ian. I use Curtis as a stage name” Ian told his new housemate. “That’s actually pretty smart” Riley commented and Ian laughed. “How about some breakfast?”                                                                            
  
                                                                                       ~~~~~

Ian and Riley easily fell into a housemate routine. It took a few months but Ian was soon contributing to the household finances after he paid Riley back for a loan he’d been given as a start-up. The one thing Ian found himself enjoying most was Riley’s cooking. After growing up on spaghetti it was nice to expand his palate. For Riley’s part, he enjoyed having someone to cook for and the fridge was always stocked with containers of pasta, stews and whatever else Riley had cooked for the week. Giving up the drugs came easier than Ian anticipated. Having Riley nearby and sticking to just bar work was the perfect distraction from the drugs. Ian pulled through the initial few days of withdrawal and ignored the nagging voice in the back of his head that wanted to remind him of his still untreated bipolar. As Ian watched Ginger perform, Ian was struck by how talented she was. Ginger had a stage presence that made when the most drunk of patrons stop and watch. There were even a few original songs thrown in every now and again.                                                                                  
                                                                                      ~~~~~        
  
“You gonna go in?” Riley jumped at the voice, turning see a familiar figure standing beside him. Riley stood in front of a building he’d come to a number of times but never had the guts to enter, the Music Institute of Chicago. “It’s stupid, I don’t even know why I’m here Quinn” Riley sighed, turning to face his ex. “How’d you find me?” “I swung by your place and was surprised to find Curtis there. How long’s he been staying with you?” Quinn asked. Riley didn’t miss the hurt that laced his voice. “Couple weeks now, I’m helping him get back on his feet” Riley explained. “You two a thing now?” Quinn enquired. “No Quinn, we’re not. He needed a friend, that’s all this is” Riley felt the need to explain himself. After everything they’d been through, all pain and heartbreak, Riley still felt that pull. There was definitely something still there. Only one question remained, was Riley willing to put his heart on the line again? “Why don’t you take a chance?” Quinn said and Riley knew he wasn’t just talking about the music school. “It might surprise you”                                                                      
                                                                                       ~~~~~   
  
Riley returned home later that evening to find Ian in the kitchen cooking. “Hey!” Ian called when he spotted Riley. “How do you feel about mac and cheese for dinner?” “You didn’t have to cook, Ian” Riley said as he opened the fridge, looking for a drink. “Shut up and try this” Ian said, holding out a wooden spoon with the piping hot pasta mixture on it. “Holy shit, that’s good” Riley murmured around the mouthful. “Told you” Ian grinned before turning back to the pot on the stove. “I’ll go wash up” Riley’s phone pinged as he wandered down to the bathroom. _  
  
Q: go to MIC, I want to see your name up in lights one day.   
_  
Riley couldn’t help but smile at the message, a habitual feeling of warmth spreading through his chest. Ensuring the bathroom door was shut, Riley unlocked the small cabinet under the sink and pulled out a box of several orange pill bottles. After taking a few of the pills Riley locked them back up and picked up his phone and quickly typed out a reply to Quinn.   
  
_R: Only if you go with me._  
  
Maybe that pull was stronger than he thought.                                                                               
                                                                                         ~~~~~  
  
Life seemed to be looking up for Ian and he’d managed to all but bury the demon that was his mental illness. He hadn’t felt so good in a very long time. So much so, Ian couldn’t help but think he was getting better. Maybe things weren’t as bad as he’d thought, as everyone had made out. Maybe he wouldn’t have to spend the next 30 or 40 years of his life popping pills.

Naturally, with Ian feeling so good, something had to come along and fuck it up. That something came wandering into the club one quiet Wednesday night, almost five months after Ian had moved in with Riley. Ian was tending bar and Riley was nursing a drink when Ian’s past walked through the door wearing a pair of tight dark jeans and a navy button down.

“Who’s the hottie?” Riley swooned watching the newcomer make his way towards the bar. “And why does he look familiar?”      
Fuck!” Ian ducked behind the bar without thinking, leaving Riley perplexed as the newcomer took a seat at the bar a few stools down and order a drink from another bartender. Finishing his drink, the newcomer wandered across the dancefloor and out of sight. Riley leaned over the bar and looked down at Ian who was crouching pathetically next to a bar fridge, feigning a great interest in the ice buckets.                                                                   
“He’s gone” Riley whispered and Ian looked up at him, red faced. “So?” Riley prompted after several unbearable minutes of radio silence from Ian. “Who is he? And don’t pull that innocent shit with me”                                                                                                            
“My ex” Ian sighed, straightening up. “I didn’t think I’d ever see him again”                                                                            
“Was he the same guy who you left with the last time you were here? He’d come in and stare daggers at anyone who tried to touch you as you danced” Riley mentally put the pieces together.  Ian nodded. “I wasn’t in a good place back then and he bore the brunt of it"

“You broke up with him?” Riley asked and Ian nodded again. “When was the last time you saw him?” “When I broke up with him and my bat-shit crazy half-sister chased him down the street with a gun in her hand” Ian winced at the memory. “I need to get out of here” Without waiting for a reply from Riley, Ian tossed his rag in the sink and pushed through the door that led to the staff break room. Riley sighed and quickly followed him.                                                                                                  
“Do you want to talk about it?” Riley asked as Ian changed into his street clothes.                                   
“Not really, all I really want to do is get drunk or high” Ian slung his bag over his shoulder and faced his friend. “But you’re going to be my moral compass, aren’t you?”                                                                     
“You’re going to have to deal with it eventually. Why not just rip the Band-Aid off?” Riley asked.    
“Because the wound hasn’t healed yet” Ian replied before heading out the back way.                                                                                                                                                      
                                                                                           ~~~~~                                                                                                 
 __  
‘Ian’s in trouble’  
The words from Fiona’s voicemail rang in Mickey’s ears as he boarded the L heading to Boystown. It made him feel sick to stand out the front of the club he’d found Ian in all those months ago. Mickey couldn’t believe he was here again. Being a Wednesday night the streets were a little quieter and there was no line or cover charge to get into the Fairytail. The club was exactly as Mickey remembered it, the music was still too loud and the lights were so erratic, Mickey was grateful he wasn’t epileptic. He made his way to the bar and ordered a drink, all the while keeping an eye out for a certain redhead. He wasn’t even sure Ian was working tonight.        
  
It had been a rough few months, post break up. But after the initial few weeks, which he barely remembers thanks to the copious amount of alcohol he’d consumed, Mickey got his ass kicked by his sister, who turned up out of the blue and helped him pull himself together with more than a few choice words. Not to mention the seemingly endless stream of phone calls he ignored from the Gallaghers. Mostly they were from Debbie, who felt the need to call him with updates on his ex. After the fourth call in as many days Mickey just deleted the messages without even listening to them. Why the hell did he want to hear about how well the boy who broke his heart was doing? The only Gallagher he didn’t hear from (apart from Liam) was Lip, not that Mickey was sad about that. He never really liked the second eldest Gallagher and it was clear Lip never liked him. In fact, Mickey was positive Lip would’ve offered to throw Ian a party for dumping him.  

Sitting in the bar where his ex-boyfriend worked at made Mickey feel like a lovesick fool. Why was he still so hung up on a guy who had taken a sledgehammer to the walls Mickey had so carefully constructed around himself, only to break his heart and take off? It was fucking pathetic. 16-year-old Mickey would be horrified, once the kid had finished bashing his skull in.                                                      

Mickey really didn’t like the way the drag queen at the other end of the bar was eyeing him so he took his beer and wandered across the dance floor, taking a seat in an empty booth. He gave up after about an hour and a half, leaving his empty glass on the table and exiting the club feeling dejected and depressed.                                                                                                                                                                                                                           ~~~~~   
  
Riley didn’t see Ian for about three days. He’d left countless voicemails on his friend’s phone which stayed unanswered. It was on the third day as Riley returned from his MIC interview that Ian turned up. Riley spotted him lying in the foetal position against the apartment door. “Ian, what the hell are you doing?” Riley crouched down to look at his friend. Ian moaned, indicating that he was at least awake and not completely incoherent. Riley pulled Ian out from under the stairs by his shoeless feet and then dragged him the rest of the way back into his apartment. “Where the hell have you been?” Riley panted as he lent back on his closed front door and looked at Ian who was now curled up on his living room floor. When he didn’t get a response he propped Ian up in a sitting position against the back of the couch and tried to shed him of his outer layers. That’s when he got a good look at Ian’s pale, gaunt face. Ian’s eyes were puffy, red and glazed over, as though he’d been crying for hours. Riley’s heart seized as a wave of realisation washed over him. This was all too painfully familiar. It wasn’t something Riley had so much seen as _experienced_ before.                
  
                                                                                    ~~~~~   
  
Riley shakily dialled one of the few numbers he had on speed dial. He’d managed to get Ian into the spare room and now the redhead was curled up under the bedsheets. “Lori” Riley’s voice shook when the doctor finally picked up. “Riley, are you ok?” Lori picked up on her patient’s anxiety.   
“My friend’s in trouble” Riley said. “I don’t know how to help him”   
“Ok, just take a breath and explain it to me” Lori said calmly. Riley took a deep breath before explaining the situation.   
“Under no circumstances are you to give your friend your own meds” Lori said firmly. “We have no idea how he’ll react to your dosages” “But I can’t just do nothing Lori, who knows how long this will go for!” Riley paced the kitchen, staring at the orange pill bottles that sat on his kitchen counter. His heart raced as he desperately tried to think of a way to help Ian.    
“Riley, you know as well as I do, your friend needs to make the decision about meds on his own. Right now he’s physically safe in bed. Keep talking to him, make sure he knows you’re there and try and get him to eat. If he eats and drinks he’ll have to get up eventually” Lori told Riley.   
“Yeah that’s true” Riley said quietly.   
“Look after yourself too Riley, I don’t want you crashing too. Call me again in a couple of days”       
“Ok, thanks Lori” Riley said.                                                                                                                             
“Anytime, Riley” Lori said before they disconnected the call. Riley steeled himself before he gathered his pills, took his dosage and returned them to the bathroom cabinet. He then went back to the kitchen and put together a few sandwiches, and took them into the spare room where Ian was still lying in bed, his back to Riley.                                                                                                      
“Hey Ian, I made you a sandwich, I’d really like you to eat” Riley said placing the plate carefully on the bedside table and sat on the bed with his back up against the wall. Ian shifted away from Riley and gave no verbal response. Riley didn’t let that deter him, he just settled back and ate his own sandwich.

After it became apparent that Riley wasn’t leaving the room, Ian finally spoke.                              
“Would you just fuck off?” his voice was low and raspy. “You don’t know what you’re dealing with”   
“I’m glad to hear you haven’t lost the power of speech” Riley tried to sound jovial.

“How do you know what I’ve dealt with in the past? Granted, I’ve never been in this position, I’m usually the one who can’t get out of bed” It took a while for Riley’s words to sink in but when they did, Ian flipped over so he could look at his friend. What the hell was Riley’s problem? This guy just couldn’t take a damn hint.                                            
“You’re not bipolar”                                                                                                                                      
“How do you know?”                                                                                                                                                  
“I’ve never seen you take a pill”                                                                                                                                         
“I could say the same about you”                                                                                                                           
“How are you so stable?”                                                                                                                                                    
“I take the pills regularly and stay on top of any noticeable changes”                                                  
“It’s not that easy”                                                                                                                                                                     
“I never said it was easy” Riley scooted down so he was lying face to face with Ian. “How long have you been off your meds?”              
Ian sighed sadly, avoiding Riley’s gaze. “I was diagnosed almost twelve months ago and have never taken meds consistently”          
“Jesus Ian” Riley whispered, trying to hide the shock from his voice.                                                                              
“I know, I know. Being bipolar was my worst nightmare and I was in denial for the longest time. More recently I’ve felt stable, not manic, not depressed just level so I guess I thought I was better” Ian sighed, tucking his hands under his face when he shifted onto his side. “Ian, there’s no ‘better’ or ‘cured’ with bipolar. It’s just level, and there’s only one thing that’ll get you there long term” Riley explained softly.                                                                                                                  
“How old were you when you were diagnosed?” Ian asked softly.                              
  
“I didn’t have an official diagnosis until I was 17. My best friend moved away in the summer before I started high school and I had a hard time dealing with it. I spent the summer in bed. My parents eventually took me to a doctor who gave me some anti-depressants and sent us on our way. They worked for a bit, they got me out of bed and functioning again but I was an emotional mess, I cried myself to sleep for the best part of a year. But every so often I’d feel on top of the world. But even then I felt detached, not in complete control. A few months into my senior year and I was studying like a madman and barely sleeping. My friends thought I was on drugs. My parents barely noticed because they were in the middle of a nasty divorce. When the inevitable crash came I slit my wrists and ended up on suicide watch” Riley rolled up his sleeves and showed Ian now-faded scars on both wrists. Ian ran a finger gently over them, silently taking them in as Riley continued. “I was made to talk to a psychiatrist and while I resented it at the time, it was the best thing I ever did”                  
“It’s that simple, hey?” Ian chuckled quietly.                                                                                                                   
“Fuck no, adjusting to the meds is an absolute nightmare but what’s the other option? The unmedicated roller-coaster?” Riley scoffed, trying to lighten the mood.

A comfortable silence settled between them, Riley choosing not to push Ian into opening up and Ian being terrified about doing exactly that. “I really loved him” When Ian finally spoke, his voice was low and sad. “I still do”                                               
“Do I need to ask the obvious question?” Riley prompted.                                                                                   
“I felt smothered. He was always there, making sure I ate, took my meds, buying fucking vitamins”   
Ian chuckled humourlessly. “I get now that he was only trying to look after me but it was the last thing I wanted at the time. I was in complete denial”                                                           
“Hindsight’s a bitch, ain’t it?” Riley pulled down his sleeves, sighing. “And now?”                                 
“I’m trying to deal” Ian shrugged, fiddling with a loose thread on the comforter.                                                               
“Have you given anymore thought to the meds?” Riley held his breath as he gave Ian a sidelong glance, worried the kid was about to explode.

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

A week after their conversation Ian found himself sitting in the waiting room of the clinic with Riley at his side. His knees bounced nervously and his knuckles were white with how hard his was wringing his hands. They didn’t speak about the meds again, but Ian noticed that Riley was more open about taking his own.   
“Ian Gallagher?”   
Ian’s head whipped up to see a nurse in multi-coloured scrubs holding a clipboard, looking around the room. He stood up, giving her a small wave. Ian took a step forward but then looked back at Riley who was looking up at Ian, a magazine in his hand.   
“Can you come in with me?” the redhead asked, his voice small. Riley nodded and tossed the magazine on the chair as he stood up and followed Ian towards the nurse.   
“Just through here, the doctor will be with you shortly” The nurse ushered them into a room and closed the door behind them. They both took a seat, Ian on the metal bed and Riley on the uncomfortable white plastic chair.   
“I think this is the exact same room I was in the last time I was here” Ian said quietly, desperate to break the silence as he looked around the room. “Mickey sat in that chair” A lump formed in Ian’s chest when he spoke his name.   
“Mickey? I don’t think you’ve ever told me your ex’s name” Riley replied. 

Before either of them could say another word the door opened and the doctor entered and Ian’s heart dropped – she was the same one that had seen him the first time.   
“Ian?” the doctor looked up from the chart in her hand. “It’s been awhile”   
“Yeah, I guess I should explain that” Ian rubbed at the back of his neck, a nervous tick he’d picked up. The doctor looked from Riley to Ian and down at the chart in her hand, clearly holding her tongue.  
“I broke up with Mickey a while ago” Ian explained softly. The doctor nodded but didn’t comment.   
“I wasn’t dealing with the whole bipolar thing and I took it out on him” Ian continued.   
“What changed?” The doctor pressed, putting the chart down and leaning on the bench.   
“I guess I have a bit more perspective” Ian replied. “I can’t keep going like this, it’s exhausting” “What’s your routine like at the moment? Are you working?” The doctor questioned.   
“I was back at the club for a while, things got bad again” Ian trailed off, looking to Riley.   
“We work together at a club where I have a regular drag act and Ian’s been tending bar” Riley finished. Ian was grateful Riley didn’t mention the dancing or the tricks.  
“It got bad for a bit and Riley found me and let me crash with him while I got back on my feet” Ian explained when the doctor looked at him. “I’ve been clean for months now”   
The doctor smiled. “That’s good to hear. Now I guess we should discuss meds”

~~~~~ 

“Hey Ian, I’m gonna head to work” Riley said quietly from the door of Ian’s room. It had only been a few days since they went to the clinic and the meds were already hitting the redhead hard. Riley didn’t get much of reply, just unintelligible mumbling from the lump in the bed. Riley hated the idea of leaving Ian alone but the club begged him over and over. With a dancer and a bartender out of commission, they were kinda desperate for more staff. Riley gave in after the fourth phone call in so many hours and promised to pull a double. As guilty as Riley felt about leaving Ian alone he also knew, from firsthand experience, that Ian didn’t want to be smothered or babied as he rode out the initial effects of the new meds. So Riley made sure his friend had plenty of water close by and left some food on the bedside table before leaving for work. 

“Hey Quinn” Riley greeted the familiar man who occupied the alley next to the Fairytail.   
“How’s things, Riley?” Quinn reached out and put a hand on his arm. “How’d your interview go?”  
“Got a good feeling but I won’t know anything for a few weeks” Riley replied.   
“Are you ok?” Quinn asked, taking in Riley’s tired brown eyes. He stepped forward and ran a finger down Riley’s cheek. Riley sighed, leaning into the touch.   
“I’ll be fine. But you have to stop that” He took Quinn’s hand and pushed it away from his face.  
“I’ve missed you” Quinn pouted slightly, his eyes raking Riley’s body. Riley shivered under Quinn’ hot gaze. They both mutter a barely audible “Fuck” before Quinn launched himself at Riley who was pushed up against the brick wall, moaning. Quinn made quick work of Riley’s jacket, tossing it to the ground. He placed his mouth on the crook of Riley’s neck and sucked at the line of skin between the brunette’s ear and shoulder, eliciting some dirty, gutturally moans from the other man. Riley’s hands travelled the length of Quinn’s clothed torso and rubbed at his growing hard-on through the fabric of his jeans, the friction causing Quinn to buck into Riley’s hands. With all the stamina of a 15-year-old virgin, Riley came in his pants and Quinn quickly followed suit.   
“Thank fuck I have a spare pair of pants in my locker” Riley chuckled, looking down and taking in their matching messes. “I really need to head to work” He leant down and picked up his discarded bag, slinging it over his shoulder.   
“Can I come find you later?” Quinn asked quietly, a small smirk playing on his lips.   
“Yeah, I’d like that” Riley smiled sheepishly before heading into the club. 

~~~~~

Quinn comes into Riley’s life at what was probably the worst time. Riley isn’t in control and he knows it and scares him to death. Quinn is sexy as hell and offers release. Their time together is short lived but all consuming and exquisite. One morning Riley wakes up to an empty bed and a simple note. ‘I’m sorry I can’t be who you want me to be’ – Q  
It breaks his heart but he doesn’t go after Quinn. They don’t call. They don’t text. They both go back to the lives they had before they met. But Quinn is almost always on Riley’s mind. No matter how hard he tries, Riley can’t seem to shake the tall muscular man with the perfect afro.

Quinn seems to turn up everywhere. At first Riley believes he’s being stalked and maybe he is. But Quinn promises he’s just been stationed near the Fairytail by coincidence. Quinn doesn’t deny he likes it though. It gives the pair ample opportunity to run into each other and Riley doesn’t go out of his way to avoid him. Slowly they reconnect, the attraction still as strong as ever.   
“I’m getting out” Quinn tells him one day. Riley’s been wanting to hear those words from the day they first met. It doesn’t happen straight away; in fact, it still hasn’t happened. But Quinn proves himself trustworthy by finally coming out to his sister. It’s slow, but it’s progress nonetheless. 

~~~~~

It was just over a week later that Ian was finally able to get out of bed. Everything hurt as he slowly pulled himself up into a sitting position. Every bone and joint ached, his head felt fuzzy and he had a horrible taste in his mouth. He could hear low voices coming from the living room.   
“Riley?” Ian’s voice was hoarse and low from a lack of use. He heard the voices stop and then the soft patter of feet walking across carpet. Seconds later Riley was leaning against the doorframe.   
“Hey, you feeling any better?” Riley asked.   
“Not really, everything hurts and my head feels fuzzy” Ian replied quietly. “But I’m not as tired as I was and I’m a little hungry”   
“That’s something at least” Riley smiled. “How about you try having a shower? I’ll heat up some soup, we can have an early dinner”  
“What time is it? What day is it?” Ian asked as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed.   
“It’s a little after 4pm, Saturday” Riley replied softly. “You’ve been out for a little over a week”   
Ian tried to push himself up but quickly fell back onto the bed. Riley didn’t say a word, only came straight over and pulled the redhead to his feet and guided him down the hall to the bathroom.   
“You entertaining?” Ian asked, looking over Riley’s shoulder into the living room.   
“That’s Quinn, we’re…reconnecting. I can ask him to leave if it’d make you feel better” Riley said quickly. Ian backed up so he could sit on the bathtub as Riley leaned over him to run the water. 

“As in Quinn the drug dealer?” Ian smirked. “I think I hit on him a few months back”   
“Oh I know, he’s the reason I found you. He called me after that and told me you were back in Boystown” Riley explained as he tested the water. Once it was at a decent temperature he added some soap and turned off the taps.   
“You were stalking me?” Ian tried pulling off his top but could barely get it over his head without hissing in pain.  
“Hardly” Riley chuckled lightly. “I’ve been concerned about you since the last time you worked at the club. I saw that redhead girl and the older boy try and speak to you” Riley helped Ian undress and lowered him into the water.   
“Debs and Lip” A small smile played on his lips as he thought of his brother and sister. “Two of my siblings”   
“How long has it been since you’ve spoken to them?” Riley drenched a wash cloth in the soapy water and let the water dip down the length of Ian’s back, making the redhead shiver.   
“Far too long. I got in a huge fight with my eldest sister, Fiona, before I did the childish thing and ran away. I’ve been ignoring her texts and calls ever since” Ian sighed as he took the wash cloth from Riley and washed his front.   
“Jesus Ian, shouldn’t you at least let her know you’re ok?” Riley pulled a towel from the rack on the wall to dry his hands.   
“But I’m not ok, am I?” Ian looked up at Riley through wet lashes.   
“You’re getting there. At least let her know you’re alive. She deserves that much” Riley said.   
Ian sighed again, the tears streaming down his cheeks now. “Fiona deserves so much more. She raised us with no help from our deadbeat parents and I haven’t made it easier for her lately”   
“Hey, I’m sure she understands and loves you regardless” Riley ran his fingers through Ian’s hair soothingly. Ian unconsciously leaned into the touch, it felt so familiar and comforting.   
“These past few years’ things seemed to have fallen apart. Debs is fifteen and pregnant, Lip was fucking his professor before shit hit the fan and the college found out. I don’t think Lip handled himself very well. My younger brother Carl, spent almost a year in juvie for selling drugs, only to get out and start selling weapons. A few years before that my youngest brother Liam almost died because he got into some coke Fiona left out. Not to mention that Thanksgiving we had when I was sixteen and my mother slit her wrists on the kitchen floor” Ian was rambling between heavy sobs. Riley pulled him close and wrapped his arms around the redhead. 

“Sorry” Ian said once he’d calmed down and pulled away from Riley to look up at him. “You should be out there reconnecting with Quinn, shouldn’t you? Not in here bathing me”   
“Ian it’s fine, you forget I’ve been here before” Riley said softly.   
“What, bathing a rambling sobbing idiot?” Ian tried to laugh but it fell flat.   
“Strangely enough yes, but I was the rambling sobbing idiot” Riley replied. “Ready to eat?”   
Ian nodded and leaned forward to release the plug and drain the water. Riley help him out of the tub and wrap a towel around his middle. They headed back to the bedroom where Riley left Ian sitting on the bed with a clean pair of grey sweatpants and black hoodie within easy reach.  
“Call out if you need a hand, I’ll go heat up some food” Riley said as Ian nodded. 

“How’s he doing?” Quinn asked from the sofa when Riley re-emerged from the bedroom and headed straight to the kitchen. Quinn stood up and wandered over, watching Riley rummaged around the kitchen  
“He’ll be ok, it’ll just take some time” Riley said as he opened a can of chicken noodle soup.   
“That sounds familiar” Quinn said quietly as he came up behind Riley and snaked his arms around the brunette’s waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. Riley tensed at the contact, his eyes darting to the empty hallway. Quinn nibbled lightly at Riley’s ear, causing his knees to go weak.   
“Fucker” Riley whispered hoarsely as Quinn’s thumbs found their way under the hem of the navy tee he was wearing and rubbed circles into his bare hips. “You need to stop that”   
“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Quinn said innocently, as he released Riley from his hold completely and stepped back. Riley sagged at the loss of contact. 

Just as Riley put the bowl of soup in the microwave and set it to cook for three minutes Ian appeared in the hallway. He was hunched over and slightly out of breath as he held onto the wall to steady himself. Quinn, who was closest, stepped forward and offered his arm to help Ian to the closest chair.   
“Thanks Q” Ian gave the man a tight smile.   
“I’d say it’s nice to see you again Curtis, but you look like shit” Quinn’s eyes darted to Riley, who rolled his own but stayed silent, then gazed back at Ian.   
“Geez, don’t sugar coat it Q” Ian shot back. Quinn was about to apologize but stopped himself when he caught a look from Riley, who shook his head ever so slightly. 

The three men ate their tinned soup with a slight awkwardness hovering between them. Quinn couldn’t shake the feeling he’d insulted Curtis. Quin n knew if he had Curtis offside it’d be that much harder to get Riley back.   
“Is he ok?” Quinn asked Riley in a hush voice as they washed up. Ian was settled on the sofa and flicking through the TV channels.   
“Do you remember when I was in his position? The number of times I told you to fuck off but you never did. He’ll get through it, just needs time” Riley reassured him with a quick peck on the lips. “ “Ok, thanks” Quinn sighed, returning the kiss. Once the kitchen was clean the pair joined Ian in the living room.   
“What are we watching Curtis?” Quinn asked as he threw himself in the armchair across from the sofa. “Not really sure, I can’t focus enough to really catch what’s happening” Ian said honestly as he shifted so Riley could sit beside him on the sofa.   
“It’s an old episode of NCIS” Riley informed them as he scanned the program guide that was sitting on the coffee table. “NCIS: LA”   
“Hey Quinn” Ian said as the credits rolled on the episode. Quinn looked at Ian. “I guess I should tell you my real name is Ian Gallagher; Curtis is just a name I used when I was dancing”   
“That’s not a bad idea” Quinn looked impressed. “Hang on, Gallagher? You got a younger brother?” “I’ve got two. There’s six of us” Ian replied. “Don’t tell me you’re Southside too”   
Quinn nodded. “Born and raised mostly on the streets. Got caught up in a bit of shit when I was younger and have trying to get out ever since” Quinn glanced at Riley who gave him a tight smile before continuing. “I’ve heard stories about a Carl Gallagher. Wasn’t he in juvie for a bit?” Quinn sat up tucked a leg under his body. “And there’s a Frank isn’t there?”   
“Yeah, Carl was in juvie for almost a year. He got caught up in some gang shit, last I heard he was trying to get out. Frank is our deadbeat, addict father” Ian replied, yawning.   
“Small world” Riley commented to no-one in particular. Ian didn’t say a word but Quinn glanced at Riley again, trying to silently tell him he meant what he said.   
They fell into silence as another episode of NCIS played. The further into the episode they got, the heavier Ian’s eyes got. Without really meaning to Ian gradually lowered himself until he was lying across Riley, who adjusted his position and let the redhead get comfortable without a word. After the fourth episode in a row, Ian was snoring softly against Riley.   
“I gotta get to work” Quinn said quietly as he stood up and patted himself down.   
“On the coffee table” Riley pointed to the phone and wallet he knew Quinn was looking for. Riley took advantage of Quinn’s lowered form and gripped the thin fabric of his checked shirt, pulling him down so their faces were inches apart. Quinn smiled shyly, his eyes darting to Ian who was undisturbed by the movement. Riley connected their lips, his tongue licking at inside of Quinn’s mouth. “Come crash here tonight, don’t care what time” Riley whispered.   
“What about Ian?” Quinn was slightly breathless.   
“He’ll be fine. He’ll probably sleep right through til the morning” Riley replied, smiling suggestively.   
“Ok, I’ll be here” Quinn smiled. He straightened up and headed out the door.   
It was about 3:30am when Riley felt the bed dip, the bed covers shift and an arm wrap around his waist as Quinn settled in behind him. Riley smiled sleepily as pulled Quinn’s arm over his tighter.


	5. Chapter 5

Mickey sighed deeply and stubbed out his fourth cigarette as the club came into view. Scrubbing a hand over his face Mickey made his way into the club and headed straight for the bar, his eyes darting around to see if Ian was anywhere in sight. He wasn’t and Mickey let out a sigh of relief. He really needed a beer before facing the redhead. 

Mandy somehow managed to convince Mickey to try tracking Ian down again. Milkovich’s fight for those they love Mandy’s last words to him before he’d left played through his head on repeat. Did he love Ian? There wasn’t a fibre in his being that doubted that now. Sure, he’d denied for a long time but things were different now. He wasn’t that terrified kid anymore. His biggest demon was dead and buried. More than anything, Mickey was angry and hurt that Ian could just throw him away like he did. Like they hadn’t been through hell to be together. Like Mickey hadn’t opened himself up just to be torn apart. 

~~~~~

Riley was tending bar on Monday afternoon when he Mickey walked in. The raven haired man headed straight for the bar and took a seat at the opposite end to where Riley was working.   
“What can I get you?” Riley wandered down to Mickey, already reaching for a pint glass.   
“Cheapest beer on tap” Mickey replied without taking too much notice of Riley. He was too busy looking around the near empty club.   
“Looking for someone, hon?” Riley put on his sweetest voice as he put the glass in front of Mickey. “Not really” Mickey sighed, handing Riley a twenty.   
“You sure?” Riley prompted as he handed Mickey his change. “You look kinda familiar, did you used to come here with someone?” Riley knew he was all but straddling a line that could very easily get him into a lot of trouble.   
“What’s with the twenty questions?” Mickey snapped as he sipped on his beer.  
“It’s called small talk; I’m not exactly run off my feet here man” Riley retorted.  
“I’m not here to fucking chit chat” Mickey bit out.   
“Then why are you here? You looking to pick up?” Riley smirked, looking the other up and down.   
“Absolutely fucking not” Mickey almost choked on his beer.   
“Well then it’s gotta be this place’s brilliant ambiance” Riley’s voice dripped with sarcasm.  
“You seriously got nothing better to do? Are you always so fucking attentive?” Mickey wrapped his inked fingers around the glass, staring into the amber liquid. 

“Only with the cute ones” Riley winked at him as he reached over and started polishing glasses.   
Mickey spluttered into his glass, his cheeks reddening at the flirty comment. There had only ever been one person who could do that to him. To distract himself Mickey spun around on his stool and glanced around the virtually empty club. There were a group of people huddled in a far corner. Mickey wondered if they were staff, he wondered if Ian was amongst them.   
“Ok, you gotta tell me who you’re looking for” Riley spoke up as he stacked the now completely glasses. Mickey spun back around to face Riley, downed the last of his beer and held out the empty glass. Once his glass was refilled and Riley was looking at him expectantly, Mickey spoke.  
“I’m for someone who works here, at least I think he still does”   
“This guy got a name?” Riley asked.   
“Um, yeah. He goes by Curtis here” Mickey revealed.   
“I thought you looked vaguely familiar” Riley feigned a lightbulb moment. “You’re the Pitbull”  
“Excuse me?” Mickey choked. “What the fuck did you call me?”  
“Curtis’ Pitbull. That’s what you two were known as amongst the dancers and bar staff” Riley shrugged.   
“Weren’t you the one who came in all guns blazing looking for Curtis? Threatened the manager? Then Curtis disappeared for about week only to reappeared with you at his side”  
“How’d you know about that?” Mickey asked.  
Riley shrugged again. “Dancers can be really bitchy”  
“Fucking hell” Mickey grumbled into his beer. “Gimme a shot”   
“Famous last words” Riley chuckled as he poured the liquor. 

Seven shots and four beers later Mickey was barely able to keep himself upright. The club was filling up with the lunch crowd, turns out the Fairytail was a semi-decent, fairly popular restaurant during the day. Instead of dancers, there were similarly clad waiters weaving their way through the tables.  
“How’re we doing over here?” Riley smirked as he returned to Mickey after serving a few people at the other end of the bar.   
“You need to stop the spinning” Mickey slurred.   
Riley poured him a tall glass and put it front of him. “Drink this, you need it”   
“Yes mom” Mickey could barely get the words from his lips, let alone the glass. Riley went to turn his back to Mickey so he could start cleaning up the empty bottles but the shorter man’s next words had him spinning back around and paying close attention.   
“I really fucking loved him” Mickey slurred sadly. “He was the reason I can now look at my son, I’ve even forgiven Lana. Bastard made me love him and he fucking left”   
Before Riley knew what was happening, Mickey had put his head in his folded arms and was quietly sobbing into the counter top. Even though he hadn’t said his name, Riley knew exactly who Mickey was talking about and it broke his heart. These boys would be the death of him.   
“Hey c’mon, how about you head home? Give me your phone and tell me who to call” Riley wasn’t entirely comfortable with having the drunk sobbing man at his bar. Mickey surprised him by offering him his cell phone.   
“Call Mandy. She’ll kill me but she’ll come pick me up. She’s my sister” Mickey mumbled. Riley was quick to scroll through Mickey’s contacts until he found Mandy’s name.   
“What do you want fuckhead?” a gruff female voice answered the call.   
“Um, hi. My name’s Riley, I’m a bartender at the Fairytail. Your brother’s here and barely conscious. Do you think you could come pick him up?” Riley spoke fast.   
“What the hell is he doing at the fucking Fairytail?” Mandy muttered and sighed dramatically. “Yeah ok, give me fifteen”   
Before Riley could say another word the line went dead.   
“Is she coming?” Mickey asked without lifting his head.   
“Yeah, she won’t be long. You want a coffee?”   
“As long as it has alcohol in it” Mickey turned his head so he could look at Riley.   
“Dude, you’re well and truly cut off” Riley chuckled as he moved to the coffee machine.   
True to her word Mandy arrived fifteen minutes later. Riley spotted her immediately and was struck and how similar she and Mickey looked. 

“Mandy?” He walked over to her carrying a tray of empty glasses.   
“Who’s asking?” Mandy looked him up and down.   
“Riley, I rang you about your brother” Riley replied. “He’s over at the bar”   
Mandy nodded and marched straight over to Mickey, who was still in the same spot.   
“Let’s go fuckhead” Mandy roughly shook Mickey’s shoulder.   
“He’s not here Mands” Mickey said sadly, lifting his head to look at his sister.   
“I know, Mick. Why’d you come here then?” Mandy instantly softened at her brother’s words.   
“This is where I found him the last time” Mickey hiccupped as he fought back tears.   
“Hey c’mon, let’s go home” Mandy pulled Mickey to his feet and wrapped an arm around his waist to support him before turning back to Riley, who was trying to busy himself by washing the dirty glasses. “Hey, thanks for looking out for my idiot brother”   
“No worries, part of the job” Riley shrugged. He didn’t want to butt in but having the information he had, Riley knew he couldn’t stay silent. “Mandy wait up”   
Mandy spun around causing both her and Mickey to almost lose their balance. Mickey have her a dirty look but didn’t say anything.   
“Go have a smoke asshole” She told him. Mickey didn’t argue, just headed to the door.   
Meanwhile, Riley had put his rag and dirty glass down and was now standing in front of Mandy.   
“I need to tell you something” Riley said once Mickey was out of sight. He leaned in slightly. “I know were Ian is” 

Riley felt sick as he headed home that night. Talking to Mandy was somewhat cathartic but he also felt as though he’d betrayed Ian. Ian’s story wasn’t Riley’s to tell, but after seeing the state Mickey left in, Riley knew he needed to know. And hopefully that’s how Ian would see it too. The possibility that it could set Ian back also scared Riley but he knew that wasn’t a good enough excuse to not say anything to Ian. The redhead was asleep on the couch when Riley returned to his apartment in the early hours of Tuesday morning, the TV still playing softly. Riley reached over the coffee table to pick up the remote, switching off the TV.   
“Hey, you’re home” Ian’s voice was thick with sleep. Riley turned to see Ian pull himself up into a sitting position. “How was work?”   
Riley swallowed hard. He hadn’t planned on telling Ian so soon but didn’t know how he’d bring it up at a later time. Ian shifted on the sofa so Riley could sit next to him, clearly sensing something was up. Riley took a seat next to Ian and allowed the redhead to drape his legs over Riley’s lap.   
“I dealt with a drunk who was looking for you. I had to call his sister to come pick him up” Riley said quietly, carefully watching for Ian’s reaction. “We had a conversation about you”   
“What did you tell her?” Ian all but whispered. Riley could feel Ian’s body tensing as he spoke.   
“Only that you were ok and would reach out when you were ready” Riley responded.   
Ian sighed, relief clear on his face. “So they don’t know I’m staying with you?”   
“No, I said I didn’t know where you were staying. But Ian, I think you need to talk to him” Riley said. “No, he’s better off without me” Ian shook his head.   
“Could’ve fooled me. He was pretty upset. He’s angry but I’m guessing he also misses you” Riley put a comforting hand on the redhead’s leg. “Ian, you can’t avoid your past forever”   
Ian threw his head back and Riley winced when it connected with the arm of the sofa with a hard thud. Riley watched Ian helplessly as he screwed up his face and burst into tears.   
“Hey, talk to me. What’s going through that pretty red head of yours?” Riley tried to lighten the mood. It didn’t work though, Ian just curled into himself, burying his head in his knees.   
“I fucked up beyond anything that can be fixed” Ian shifted his head so he could rest his cheek on his knees and look at Riley.   
“Have you tried fixing things with him?” Riley asked softly.   
“He wants nothing to do with me” Ian responded.   
“How do you know that?” Riley pressed.   
“Why are you attacking me? I get that I fucked up, I don’t need you telling me as well” Ian’s voice was harsh but pained and his eyes were watery.   
“Ian, I’m not attacking you. I’m trying to get you to see how childish this situation is. You’re both miserable, that much is obvious; so why don’t you do something about it?” Riley explained.   
“Like what?” Ian uncurled himself, dropping his legs to the floor.   
“Jesus Ian, do I really need to spell it out to you? Fucking talk to him!” Riley’s frustration bubbled over. Honestly it was like dealing with damn children. 

Ian sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. Running away had always been his MO. Yet another way he was like his mother and he hated it. It was bad enough he’d inherited her shitty genes, let alone her habits. But he knew Riley was right, he had to stop running. It was time to grow up and deal with his crap, no matter how utterly terrified he was.   
Ian loved Mickey, that was one of the few things he was 100% sure of. His love for the dirty Southside thug had never wavered…it just got clouded for a bit. Hell, his whole mind had been clouded for a bit. But now the clouds had lifted and the sun was shining (fuck that sounded corny) but it was true.   
Riley watched as Ian stood up, pulled a jacket on and shoved his wallet and phone in his pocket. “Where are you going?” Riley asked.   
“I’m going to talk to him, like you said” Ian said, as though it was obvious.   
“Dude, it’s 4am! I doubt he’s even conscious. At least wait til it’s light out. Go to bed and think about how you’re actually going to approach him. Do you really think turning up unannounced is a good idea?” Riley stood up and stepped towards Ian who had his hand on the doorknob. The redhead sagged and looked at Riley with sad watery eyes.   
“I think I’d lose my nerve if I don’t go now” Ian said.   
“And that’s why I don’t want you going now. Do you even know what you’d say to him?” Riley reached up and pulled Ian’s jacket off his shoulders and tossed it over the back of the sofa.   
“I have no idea” Ian said after a few minute’s silence. Riley guided the redhead down the hall and into his bedroom where he pushed Ian lightly towards the bed. Ian didn’t put up any fight as Riley undressed him and guided him into bed, pulling the covers up to his chin.  
“You’ll work it out kid” Riley said softly as Ian’s eyes began to droop. “Just give it some time”

~~~~~ 

Ian’s stomach was doing somersaults as he walked towards the Fairytail. It was mid-afternoon, about week after Riley had told him about Mickey and Mandy. With Riley at his side Ian contacted Mandy and they set up a time for Mickey and Ian to meet.   
Ian could imagine Mickey cursing and grumbling about it, as he did with everything. But the redhead knew that despite his grumbling, Mickey would be there. They both knew they needed to do this, regardless of the outcome. It was the best way to move forward. The only condition Mickey had was that Riley and Mandy were to be there to act as buffers. Ian didn’t think they needed it but he wasn’t about to argue, he was just happy that Mickey had agreed to meet up. 

But maybe that was Ian’s meds, they were finally starting to him even out and the redhead felt clearer and more ‘with it’ than ever. He was even in talks with the club to come back as a bar tender during the day. Ian pushed through the double glass doors and entered the club, which looked completely different in the light of day. The club was nowhere as seedy or dark as it was at night. In fact, Ian almost felt comfortable to know he could be tending bar in the coming weeks. The redhead spotted Riley straight away, he was behind the bar taking inventory. Ian quickly took in the rest of the club, there was only a splattering of people around; a small group of men sitting in a booth eating and chatting animatedly; Nathan, the club owner, was sitting at a table with a few staff Ian recognised and sitting at the far end of the bar nursing a beer each and sharing a plate of nachos were the Milkovich siblings. 

Ian’s heart clenched as he watched the pair, Mickey was hunched over the counter and Mandy was sitting next to him, whispering in his ear with a comforting hand on his shoulder; neither had noticed him yet. Ian would’ve been happy to just slip back out unnoticed but he knew Riley wasn’t going to have it. Barely a minute later, Riley proved the redhead right and leaned over to say something to the pair and Mandy looked over Mickey’s shoulder. The younger Milkovich came barrelling towards him, the force of their connection knocking the wind out of Ian. Mandy wrapped her arms around his neck tightly and buried her face in his chest. Ian buried his own face in her long black hair, taking in her familiar, comforting scent. Just as Ian had wrapped his own arms around Mandy’s shoulders, she pulled back and was slamming her fists into his chests.   
“Fucking idiot, I should hate you” Mandy sobbed angrily, refusing to look up at Ian. “But I just can’t” “I’m so sorry Mands” Ian caught her wrists in his hands and pulled her into a hug again. “I wish I could take it all back” It was the truth, bipolar aside, what he’d done to Mickey was unacceptable and Ian knew he had a lot to make up for. 

Mickey had barely gotten any sleep the night before, constantly tossing and turning with anxiety. Mandy had to all but drag him down to the L and she gripped his knee painfully to make sure he wouldn’t bolt. She linked their arms as they walked down the street and Mickey sighed.   
“I’m going anywhere Mands” Mickey said.   
“Yeah, yeah” Mandy muttered without letting him go.   
Now he sat with Mandy at the bar nursing a beer, his knee bouncing up and down with nerves. Mickey never thought seeing Ian would be so utterly terrifying. It had taken almost a year to close the gaping wounds Ian had left when he broke up with Mickey and now he could feel the stitches being torn open as he watched his sister run over to her best friend. As they spoke quietly Ian kept glancing over Mandy’s head at Mickey. Each glance tore into Mickey at little more. He wanted nothing more than to melt right into the floor. Looking over at the redhead he still loved so much but knowing what they’d been through, what brought them to this moment, made his heart ache unbearably.   
They were silent for a moment, Ian watching Mickey who hadn’t moved from his bar stool but was staring back at him with an unreadable expression on his face.   
“How is he, Mandy?” Ian tore his gaze away from Mickey and looked down at his best friend. Mandy took a slight step back and wipe at her eyes with the back of her hands before shooting her brother a glance over her shoulder.   
“Hasn’t been easy for him but you know Mick, he doesn’t really know how to use his words” Mandy replied. “He’s been freaking out about today. I had to talk him down from cancelling at least twice” “I’m sorry Mandy, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen” Ian sighed, glancing up at Mickey again. “What’s done is done, Ian. Just make it right” Mandy gave him one last hug and a quick peck on the cheek before side stepping the redhead and heading over to the opposite side of the bar where Riley was watching. Ian steeled himself before walking over to Mickey with what looked like an air of confidence. 

“Hey Mick” was all Ian could manage as he stood at the older man’s side awkwardly.   
“Hey Gallagher” Mickey replied without taking his eyes off his now empty glass. Being so close to Ian and not being able to touch him was excruciating.   
“Would you at least look at me?” Ian huffed, shoving his hands in his pockets.   
“I fucking can’t” Mickey’s voice was so quiet and strained it broke Ian’s heart.   
“Why not? Do you really hate me that much?” Ian took a seat on a stool careful to ensure he gave Mickey enough space. All he wanted to do was reach out and touch the older man but Ian knew he had to take baby steps with Mickey. It’s the way they’d done things for years.   
Mickey laughed, the sound was harsh as it escaped his lips. “That’s the problem, after everything I don’t hate you. I can’t hate you, trust me I’ve tried” When Mickey finally turned and looked Ian directly in the eye, his piercing blue eyes were red and watery. “It just fucking hurts”  
“Mick –” Ian started as the older man stood up and brushed past him. “Don’t just walk away”  
“I can’t do this Ian; this was a bad idea” Mickey said without sparing the redhead a second glance.   
“Leave him, I’ll go” Mandy stepped in as Ian went to go after Mickey. “I’ll text you ok? Don’t give up on him” Ian nodded as he watched Mandy chase after her brother. 

Out on the street Mickey was barely in control of his breathing. Everything was closing in on him and he just wanted it all to stop. He put his hands on his knees in an attempt to gain control.   
“Mickey” Mandy sighed when she spotted her brother.  
“Don’t say a fucking word” Mickey bit out as he straightened up. He marched down the street with Mandy silently following after him. 

~~~~~

Ian spent the few days after his meeting with Mickey in bed. Watching Mickey leave was a punch in the gut, not that Ian could blame him though. They both knew this meeting wasn’t going to be easy. Nothing about them ever was. He was grateful Riley had been there to talk him out of drinking the entire contents of the bar. Instead, they went home and after a quick meal, Ian went straight to bed.  
Riley let him stay in bed for three days before he’d had enough.   
“C’mon Ian, time to get your ass out of bed and stop moping” Riley barged into Ian’s room early in the morning of day four and threw back the curtains before tearing the comforter that Ian trying to hide under clear off the bed.   
“Fuck off Riley” Ian grumbled, shielding his eyes from the glaring morning sun with his hands. “and I’m not moping, I’m coping”   
“Oh he’s a fucking poet now? How about you get off your ass and write me another sonnet, Shakespeare?” Riley stood at the end of Ian’s bed with his arms crossed.   
“Why are you being such a dick?” Ian sat up and glared at his friend.   
“You need to get out of bed and do something, Ian. If that makes me a dick, then so be it” Riley sighed. “Do you really want the whole, poor Ian routine? I can’t give you that, you fucked up. It wasn’t entirely your fault but it’s time you owned what was your fault and deal with it. You told me awhile back that the worst part of your diagnosis was the fact that it made you too much like your mother. Fuck that. She’s biologically your mother but she doesn’t get to dictate how you live your life. Take control and stop blaming everything and everyone around you. Your siblings, the bipolar, your ex; they won’t have any bearing on your life if you don’t let them” 

“Harsh” Ian muttered pathetically. The redhead looked like a sulking child as he pulled his knees up against his chest, wrapped his long arms around them and pouted, refusing to meet Riley’s gaze. “I’m not going to pander to you Ian. I’m not your sister. Honestly, that’s where I think she went wrong” Riley reached down and yanked on the remaining bedsheet that Ian was clinging to, pulling it clean off the bed. “Now, get the fuck up” Riley didn’t give Ian a chance to reply, instead he marched out of the room; leaving the seething redhead in bed. Riley smiled to himself ten minutes later when he caught sight of Ian slinking down the hall to the bathroom.   
“What’re you cooking?” Ian asked sullenly as he slipped into one of the stools at the breakfast bar, his hair still wet from the shower.   
“Blueberry pancakes and bacon” Riley responded, placing a large cup of coffee along with a couple of orange pill bottles in front of Ian, who flashed him a grateful smile.   
“You know I only want what’s best for you, right Ian?” Riley said as he put a plate of blueberry pancakes in front of him. He put a second plate together for himself and took a seat next to Ian at the counter. Ian sighed through a mouthful of pancakes. “I know and I’m grateful, I really am. I guess I’m just a little bummed about Mickey. I thought we’d taken a step forward but I haven’t heard from him since Monday” Riley had to fight hard to not roll his eyes at his friend. “Have you tried contacting him?”   
“I didn’t want to seem overeager” Ian shrugged, distracting himself by intently cutting up his pancakes.   
“Can I ask you a question?” Riley asked, recognising signs of Ian’s rising anxiety.   
“Yeah, ok” Ian replied without looking up.   
“Hey, look at me” Riley put a hand over Ian’s to get the redhead’s attention. Ian shakily put the utensils down and looked at his friend. Riley waited until Ian’s breathing matched his own.   
“What do you want to do with your life?” Riley finally asked.   
“What the fuck kind of question is that?” Ian shot Riley a dirty look.   
Undeterred, Riley continued. “I mean, if nothing stood in your way what would you like to do with your life? Surely you don’t want to be at the Fairytail at thirty”   
“No, I guess not” Ian sighed. “I did ROTC when I was younger, thought I wanted to enlist. I got as far as basic training before shit hit the fan and I went AWOL” 

“So what you’re saying is that your ambition died with your army dream” Riley stated.   
“For a while, yeah. After I broke up with Mickey I was seeing this guy, Caleb for a bit. He’s a firefighter so I got wrapped up in that world for a bit” Ian explained. “I went for a ride during one of his shifts and got to see some of the action from the sidelines. I even helped splint with woman’s arm at one point. We went to this picnic thing and I got talking to some EMTs. I couldn’t get enough of their stories and with Caleb’s encouragement I looked into studying to become an EMT”   
“What happened?” Riley prompted after Ian went silent for a few minutes.   
“Turns out bipolar is a deal breaker for Caleb” Ian shrugged but Riley didn’t miss the bitterness and hurt in his voice.   
“I mean with the EMT training?” Riley said.   
“Oh, after we broke up I didn’t have a lot of motivation to keep the studying up so I just let it go” Ian responded. “Part of me wishes I didn’t though”  
“Did you love Caleb?” Riley cut up his own pancakes before taking a bite.   
“No but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt” Ian replied. “He opened up a whole new world to me, I was able to see what it was like to live as an open gay man in a relationship. I wasn’t anyone’s dirty little secret”   
“Is that what it was like with Mickey?” Riley took their now empty plates and dumped them in the sink before turning back to Ian.   
“Early on, yes. I mean, I got why he wasn’t out. Southside isn’t the easiest place to be out and proud but then there was his father. Terry Milkovich was a fucking monster who had a Russian prostitute come in and ‘fuck the gay’ out of his son” Ian almost whispered the last sentence.   
“Fucking hell” Riley breathed. Riley knew he was nothing short of lucky when it came to his coming out. He’d never really been on the receiving end of any type of homophobia.   
“When he did come out, publicly, there was an all-out bar brawl, and his father was jailed for life” Ian chuckled bitterly. “The few months following that were the happiest of my life. Mickey and I were finally together and out. No more sneaking around, we could actually fuck in a bed.  
Riley chuckled. “And that’s when you started feeling different”   
“Honestly, I’d been feeling different long before I came back to Chicago after the army. I felt high with taking a single drug, my mind was running a million miles an hour” Ian explained.  
“You were manic” Riley stated quietly.   
“Yeah, I see that now” Ian replied. “But all I knew was that I felt good, better than I’d ever felt I didn’t want it to stop. Everyone around me was worried, my siblings were comparing me to Monica. But I wasn’t my mother, I didn’t abandon my kids time after time only to return pregnant and depressed and then bolt a few months later. My version of that was to do cheat on Mickey, kidnap his baby and shoot pornos”  
“Have you ever been tested? I wouldn’t think that being safe would’ve been on your mind at the time” Riley said softly, trying not to sound too alarmed. 

“It was part of my medical testing when I was committed and back then I was clean, thankfully” Ian responded. “The only other guy I’ve been with was Caleb and we were safe”   
“Why were you committed?” Riley asked softly.   
“My siblings thought it was for the best. I don’t really remember a lot of it, the meds they gave me knocked me about pretty bad. My mother visited and the next thing I knew we were hitchhiking out of the state” Ian explained, pausing to gauge Riley’s response. Riley stayed silent and nodded, encouraging Ian to continue.   
“At the time I thought she was the only one who understood me, but as it turns out, she hasn’t got a clue. She’s only ever looking out for herself and that’s why I didn’t bother telling her I was heading back to Chicago. I don’t remember how I got back to Chicago but when I did I called Mickey and he came running, like he always did. I didn’t know I was going to break up with him until the words came tumbling out of my mouth” Ian paused again, closing his eyes at the painful memory. Breaking up with Mickey would always be something he’d regret. Now he hoped he would get the chance do make it up to the man he loved so much.   
“Call Mickey tomorrow, ask him out on a date. Go for coffee or lunch during the day and talk” Riley suggested. “If you meet up at night there’s an unspoken expectation”


	6. Chapter 6

_I only want you to be the best you can be, can’t you see that baby?_  
There’s so much more in store for you, can’t you see that baby?   
You’re my whole world and I want the world to know my man   
  
Riley felt oddly inspired after his chat with Ian and found himself writing more often than not. Ginger was put on the shelf for a while as Riley delved into writing more original songs.   
“That sounds great” Quinn said one afternoon as Riley finished playing what he’d been working on.   
“It’s still rough” Riley muttered as he put the guitar to the side and scribbled in his notebook.   
“You should play a show” Quinn suggested as he swung his body around on the sofa so his head landed in Riley’s lap.                          
“I already do, remember? Three times a week at the Fairytail” Riley said tossing the notebook aside and running his hands through the light stubble that was growing on Quinn’s face.   
“Ginger’s great but you can’t honestly want to perform as her for the rest of your life. It’s time the world got to know my Riley” Quinn replied, staring up at his boyfriend.   
“Your Riley’s not a performer, babe. There’s no way I could get up in front of an audience without Ginger” Riley scoffed.   
Quinn just shrugged and pulled him down for a kiss. “Just think about it ok. You could try the bar scene” He encouraged softly.     
“Who’s doing what in the bar scene?” Ian said, catching Quinn’s last comment as he walked through the door. Ian shrugged off his coat and tossed it over the nearest chair.   
“Nobody’s doing anything” Riley said as he pushed Quinn off his lap so he could stand up, gathering his writing notes before giving Ian a tight smile on his way down the hall to his bedroom, letting the door slam behind him.   
“What’s going on with him?” Ian asked Quinn.   
“I caught him messing around with his guitar and I was trying to convince him to hang up Ginger’s wig and step out on his own” Quinn explained, get up off the sofa.   
“I can talk to him if you’d like” Ian offered as he watched Quinn pull on his jacket.   
“Give it a go, can’t hurt I guess” Quinn shrugged. “I gotta get to work, can you let him know I’ll be back later tonight”   
“See ya man” Ian nodded as Quinn headed for the door.

“Hey Riley, can I come in?” Ian knocked softly at his friend’s bedroom door and opened the door when he heard the muffled affirmative answer. Ian was taken aback by what greeted him. Riley was lying on his bed covered in Ginger’s purple gown, the red wig askew on his head. “Um, what’s going on here?” Ian asked cautiously, stepping into the room.        
“Did Quinn tell you he thinks I should hang up Ginger’s wig?” Riley sighed sadly, stroking the wig that splayed out across the pillow and above his head. Ian would’ve laughed at Riley’s dramatics if he wasn’t so concerned.   
“Yeah he did. He also told me you’ve been playing around with some original music” Ian crossed his arms over his chest and stepped up to the edge of the bed.   
“Only ever playing. Music has always been a pipedream” Riley put his hand over his head dramatically, tangling his fingers in the wig. “Can I talk to Riley?” Ian asked, noting the traces of Ginger in his friend’s demeanour. Riley sighed and tossed the wig across the room and then carefully lifted the dress off the bed and placed it gently over the nearest chair.   
“Happy now?” Riley pouted, his hands on his hips.   
“You’re clearly not” Ian said softly, perching himself on the edge of the bed. Riley sagged and sat back on the bed.   
“What’s going on, Riley?” Riley shrugged, avoiding Ian’s eye instead choosing to focus on a loose thread on the comforter.   
“Hey, look at me” Ian gripped Riley’s chin firmly, making the older man look directly at him. “Talk to me, what’s going on up here?” Ian tapped lightly at Riley’s temple with his free hand.   
“Ginger can’t keep performing forever” Riley replied quietly as though it explained everything. When Ian gave him a confused look, Riley continued. “Ginger has always been a crutch. She’s the one everyone comes to see. Sometimes I wish they’d come to see Riley instead” “Why don’t you do something about it then? Find somewhere to do a small gig” Ian suggested.   
“It’s not that easy”   
“That’s bullshit. Someone once told me if you want something to happen you’ve gotta get off your ass and make it happen”   
Riley chuckled humourlessly. “Sounds like an idiot”   
“Can we make a deal?” Ian asked suddenly.   
“What are we talking? Riley looked at his friend curiously.   
“I’ve been thinking about contacting my sister” Ian confessed. “So if I do that, will you find a local bar to do a gig at?”   
“Why would I do that?” Riley asked.   
“Because even though you’re scared, you do actually want to do it” Ian replied simply. Riley sat up and sighed. Deep down he knew Ian was right, he was scared. But that wasn’t a good enough excuse for not doing something. Not that Ian needed to know that.   
“When did you become so fucking smart?” Riley chuckled.   
“Since forever” Ian chuckled, holding out his hand. “So what do you say, do we have a deal?”   
Riley rolled his eyes but shook Ian’s hand. “Yeah we do”                                                                                                      
  
                                                                                    ~~~~~

There was so much activity in the Gallagher house that Ian was able to slip in through the front door unnoticed and watch his family for a good ten minutes before Debbie turned around and squealed his name, running over to him.   
“Where on earth have you been Ian?” the younger redhead sobbed into his chest.   
“I’m sorry Debs” Ian wrapped his arms tightly around his younger sister. Debbie finally let him go when Lip came over and threw an arm around his shoulders, pulling him further into the house.     
“It’s good to see you” Lip whispered in Ian’s ear. Carl was sitting at the kitchen table and looked up as Lip and Ian wandered in.   
“Fucking finally” Carl stood up and pulled his brother into a short hug.   
“Ian!” Liam shouted from the bottom of the stairs. The younger Gallagher darted over to Ian and wrapped himself around Ian’s middle. “Hey kid” Ian chuckled as he returned Liam’s embrace.   
“I missed you Ian” Liam spoke thickly and when he pulled back his eyes were watery.   
“I’m sorry I went away, Liam. But I promise I’m not going anywhere again” Ian replied, smiling.   
“You want some breakfast, Ian?” Debbie asked. “I’ve already eaten, but I’ll take some coffee” Ian replied. Debbie nodded and busied herself with the coffee maker.   
“I hear you’re back with Mandy” Ian said to Lip as they joined Liam and Carl at the table. “Lip, if you hurt her again I’m gonna kill you” “Get in line little brother, her brothers have already read me the riot act” Lip retorted. It didn’t take long for the siblings to fall back into their loud morning routine. It made Ian feel at ease as he sat back and sipped on his coffee.

“Ian” Fiona’s voice silenced everyone at the table. Ian looked up to see Fiona standing on the stairs in her wedding dress. Lip hastily ushered their younger siblings upstairs to give the pair some privacy. Ian didn’t miss the look Lip shared with Fiona as they passed each other on the stairs   
“Holy shit Fi” Ian’s jaw dropped he got a good look at his sister standing in the kitchen, in her wedding dress. “You’re getting married?” “Yeah, remember Sean from the diner?” Fiona paused as Ian nodded. “We’ve been together for a few months now”   
“What about that other guy…Gus?” Ian questioned.   
“Didn’t work out with him. Marrying him wasn’t my brightest idea” Fiona muttered, reddening.   
“I’m glad I get to be at this one” Ian smiled. Fiona suddenly punched him in the arm. “Hey!”   
“I’m fucking pissed at you for taking off. It’s been over a year and not a single phone call or text! What the hell Ian?” Fiona ranted. Her voice betrayed her and cracked.   
“Fi, I’m sorry I took off” Ian said, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. “I hope you sorted out your shit but we’ll talk about that later. Right now I’m going to get married and I want you and Lip to walk me down the aisle” Fiona’s tone of voice told Ian there was no arguing. “Your suit is upstairs in Lip’s room, go get changed”   
“How’d you know I’d be back in time for your wedding?” Ian asked.   
Fiona shrugged. “I didn’t, I just hoped you would be”   
  
“You’re alive” Lip said when he saw his brother enter their shared bedroom.   
“Until tomorrow” Ian said. “Fi said there’s a suit up here for me?”   
“Behind the door” Lip replied, pointing at the open door of the bedroom. Ian shut the door so he could change into the suit.   
“How long have you and Mandy been back together?” Ian asked as he stripped down to his underwear.   
“Couple months” Lip shrugged. “Did she tell you Debs had her baby?”   
“No, but I gathered as much” Ian pulled the black dress trousers over his long legs.   
“We have a niece” Lip pulled a cigarette from the pack that he was holding and lit it up.   
“Bet she’s a cutie” Ian took the cigarette when Lip offered it, inhaling deeply.   
“Of course she is. Debs isn’t accepting any help though, reckons she can do it on her own” Lip took the cigarette back and put it between his lips.   
“Sounds all too familiar” Ian muttered as he buttoned up the white shirt.   
  
Just as Ian was pulling on the black jacket there was a soft knock at the door and Debbie entered, holding her daughter. “I’ve got someone I want you to meet Ian” Debbie said as Ian smiled brightly.   
“This is Franny”   
“Hi Gorgeous” Ian cooed as Debbie placed the baby gently in his arms. I’m your uncle Ian” Ian looked up at his sister who had tears in her eyes. He reached out and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.   
"You should’ve been here” Debbie said tearfully. “I really needed you” Ian’s heart clenched.   
“I’m sorry Debs you’re right, I should’ve been, but I’m here now“  
"And he’s not going anywhere” Lip stood up and pulled his sister into a hug from behind, looking meaningfully at Ian over her shoulder. “Are you Ian?”   
“No way” Ian said quickly when he caught Lip’s hard look.   
  
Before anyone could say another word the now-second-youngest Gallagher ran into the room.   
“Fi says it’s time to leave” Liam announced, standing in the doorway wearing a suit that matched Lip and Ian’s. Debbie quickly wiped her face and looked to Ian. “Can you take Franny downstairs? I need to fix my makeup” Debbie requested.    
“Of course Debs” Ian shifted the baby in his arms and let Liam grab his free hand and lead him down the stairs. Ian waited with his family until everyone was gathered and ready to go. Debbie took Franny from him and placed her securely in a stroller that all the Gallagher siblings had been in at one point when they were younger.                                                                                       
  
                                                                                                 ~~~~~   
  
“Why do I have to go to this stupid wedding, you don’t need me there” Mickey grumbled as Mandy fiddled with his tie. His sister just rolled her eyes and tightened the tie a little too tight to make her point, smiling triumphantly when Mickey put his hands up in surrender, silently begging her to loosen the tie. Svetlana appeared then, wearing a short, skin-tight black dress and holding Yevgeny. “Shit Lana, you look hot!” Mandy exclaimed then turned to Mickey “She looks hot doesn’t she Mick?”   
“Ah yeah sure” Mickey looked the mother of his child up and down. “Not exactly appropriate for a wedding though, don’t you think?” “Maybe I go to work after or meet love of life at wedding” Svetlana shrugged.   
“Pfft, don’t hold your breath” Mickey scoffed and batted Mandy’s hands away as he dodged the two women and headed for the kitchen.   
  
                                                                                               ~~~~~

Mickey watched Ian as he threw his head back and laughed at something Kev was telling him.   
“Here” Lip slid a shot next to Mickey’s beer and sat next to the raven haired man, following his gaze to the redhead.   
“He back living with you guys?” Mickey asked after he threw back the shot.   
“No, he just turned up this morning” Lip replied. “I’m guessing Mandy may have dropped a hint about today and that’s why he just showed up”   
“She been keeping tabs on him or something?” Mickey tried to sound nonchalant.   
“Would you have wanted her to tell you if she was?” Lip asked.   
Mickey sagged and shook his head. “No I guess not. I didn’t like it very much when she told me you two were on again”   
“Ian said the same thing” Lip replied as he took a sip of his beer. “I’m not planning on hurting her again, just for the record”   
“Good, I gotta get out of here. I’m guessing Mandy’s going home with you?” Mickey stood up. “Look after my sister shithead and thanks for the drink” Lip waved at Mickey’s retreating back.                                                                               
  
                                                                                             ~~~~~   
  
Ian couldn’t keep his eyes off Mickey. He spotted the older man the second he walked into the Albi with Lip and Mandy. Lip was quick to make sure Ian kept his distance. The day had been enough of a fuck up; nobody needed to watch Mickey and Ian get into it as well and Lip had told him firmly when the redhead had tried to argue. So Ian had resigned himself to sit at the bar with Kev, Debbie and Carl trying not to glance in Mickey’s direction every two seconds. Franny was asleep in her stroller so Debbie drained the last of her soda before heading home, Carl trailing behind her. Ian had just returned from the bathroom and was looking around the bar. Mickey was nowhere in sight and it felt like yet another punch in the gut to Ian. He wandered over to the bar where Vee was polishing some glasses. “He left” Vee said quietly before Ian could ask the question.   
“Oh” Ian sighed.   
“It was barely 5 minutes ago so he won’t be that far” Vee told him knowingly. “Thanks Vee” Ian bolted from the bar and saw the older man turning the corner down the street.

“Mickey!” Ian called as he jogged to catch up to him. Mickey spun around at his name.   
“The fuck you want Gallagher?” Mickey said gruffly, taking the cigarette from between his lips.   
“Can we talk?” Ian stopped in front of his ex, taking in how hot he looked in the cheap suit. On Mickey’s part, he licked his lips at the sight of Ian in his perfectly tailored suit.   
“I thought we already did that” Mickey replied.   
“I need you to know how sorry I am” Ian stated. “And how much I wish I could take it all back”   
“Bit late for that, ain’t it Gallagher? Shits done” Mickey put the cigarette back between his lips and inhaled sharply.   
“Mick please” Ian all but begged. “I still love you and I want to try and work this out”   
“And how do you plan on doing that?” Mickey’s response surprised Ian.   
“I want to earn your trust again, prove what I’m saying isn’t just talk” Ian said.   
“What do you want to do? Lay out a blanket under the stars with a picnic?” Mickey scoffed, but secretly hoping Ian was up for something similar.   
“If that’s what it takes” Ian nodded. “Can we try the dating thing? Dinner and a movie, bowling and shit like that” Ian was completely expecting to be shot down, scoffed at but for the second time that night, Mickey surprised him.   
“Yeah, I could be down for that”                                                                                                                                    

                                                                                    ~~~~~   
  
The next few weeks Ian spent time back at the Gallagher house and took Mickey on as many dates as the older man could handle. In the space of three weeks the pair had seen five movies, been bowling twice, and went for drinks almost every night. They were getting to know each other all over again and Ian couldn’t have been happier.   
“How’s things with Mickey?” Mandy asked one afternoon as they lounged on the couch in the Gallagher house. “He seems happier” “Things are really good. I haven’t been this happy in a long time” Ian confessed.   
“Have you guys fucked yet?” Mandy shifted her head so she could look at her best friend.   
“Mandy!” Ian choked slapping her on the arm.   
“Oh come on, you guys were always at it!” Mandy scoffed.   
“And that was part of the problem. We barely ever talked” Ian explained. “I want to make sure this time is different”   
“Mickey thinks there’s something wrong with him” Mandy confided. “He’d jump your bones the second you two were alone if you let him”   
“It’s not that I don’t want to fuck him Mands, because shit, I do. I just want to take it slow this time so I don’t screw up” Ian replied.   
“You need to tell him that Ian” Mandy said.

Later that day Ian stood on the porch of the Milkovich house feeling jittery. They didn’t have anything planned so Ian was unsure of how his unannounced arrival would be received. The redhead knocked loudly on the door, only having to knock again after five minutes with no answer.   
“Alright, alright keep your fucking hair on” Mickey’s cranky voice filtered through the closed door, making Ian smile.   
“Hey” Ian greeted a very tired looking Mickey.   
“Gallagher? What the fuck are you doing here?” Mickey was only wearing a threadbare pair of boxer shorts and still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.   
“Can’t a guy come over and surprise his boyfriend?” Ian tried to sound jovial.   
“I thought we were taking this slow? Why are you showing up unannounced?” Mickey asked irritably.   
Ian’s heart sunk. “It’s fine, I can go. You’re right I should’ve called first” Ian turned to leave when Mickey reached out and grabbed his arm.   
“Don’t be so fucking dramatic Gallagher, get in here” Mickey sighed loudly as he pulled the younger man into the house and slammed the door behind them.   
“Are you really mad at me Mick?” Ian asked quietly as he followed Mickey into the kitchen.   
Mickey sighed again. “No, Gallagher I’m not. I’m just confused. Weren’t you the one who said we wouldn’t be hanging out at each other’s houses yet?” Mickey opened the fridge and dug around a bit, reappearing with a carton of eggs, milk and bacon.   
“I’m sorry Mick, I’m not very good at the whole dating thing” Ian responded sadly, taking a keen interest in a mark on the counter top. “That makes two of us” Mickey said as he pulled a frypan from an overhead cupboard and put it on the stove. He didn’t bother asking if Ian wanted anything, just automatically cooking up enough bacon, eggs and toast for the two of them.   
  
Ian watched in silence has his boyfriend cooked him breakfast in nothing but a thread bare singlet and old pair of boxers. Ian hadn’t forgotten how incredible Mickey looked when he’d just woken up with his still-tired eyes and messy bed hair. The redhead got so lost in staring at Mickey as he cooked that he didn’t even realise the man was now standing in front of him.   
  
“Where were you?” Mickey asked, a smirk playing on his lips.   
“Lost in you” Ian cringed as the words left his lips and Mickey laughed loudly and it was music to Ian’s ears.   
“Christ Gallagher, haven’t lost that sappy corny streak I see” Mickey chuckled as he turned off the heat and began plating up their food. “You bring it out in me” Ian grinned. Mickey didn’t say anything, just rolled his eyes and blushed slightly and it almost felt like old times.

“What do you want out of this?” Mickey asked as they sat at the battered old dining table.   
“What we had before everything went to shit” Ian replied.   
“What do you want?” “I want to be able forget all the shit. I want to get back to what we had” Mickey said through a mouthful of food. “And how’s that going, the forgetting?” Ian queried as he put a forkful of egg and bacon in his mouth.   
“Better if we don’t talk about it” Mickey sipped his coffee between mouthfuls of food.   
“That was one of the issues we had before, we never really talked” Ian pointed out. “We can’t not talk if we want things to change” Mickey chuckled. “We were always too busy fucking. I really, really miss it, I miss you”   
“Fucking or hiding” Ian amended with a point of his fork at Mickey. “But we don’t have to hide anymore, do we?”   
Mickey rolled his eyes. “You know damn well why we, no _I_ , hid”   
“I’m not saying you didn’t have good reasons but those reasons are gone. Am I going to be able to hold your hand in public and actually call you my boyfriend?” Ian said.   
“I wouldn’t be opposed to that” Mickey replied quietly, his face reddening at Ian’s wide-eyed stare.   
“Seriously?” Ian picked his jaw up from the floor. “I was never really opposed to any of that, I was just –” Mickey trailed off, unable to meet Ian’s gaze.   
“Scared” Ian finished and Mickey nodded.                                                                                                                                                                       ~~~~~   
**Epilogue:**

Ian’s life was stable for the first time in what felt like forever. They’d found the right medication combination and his relationship with Mickey was going from strength to strength. Both Riley and Ian came good on their promises to each other. Riley did one final, farewell show as Ginger and hung up her wig and gown for good, instead picking up his guitar and taking up the position offered to him at the Music Institute of Chicago.

Ian and Fiona finally sat down and had that chat that had been forgotten at the non-wedding. She let him vent and together they came up with a plan going forward. Part of this plan included Ian moving back home (so Q could move in with Riley) and taking back his job at the diner while he studied to be an EMT. Mickey became a constant feature at the Gallagher house again, Ian promising Fiona he wouldn’t move back to the Milkovich house until after his studies were done.

The day the redhead became a certified EMT he and Mickey celebrated with several rounds of vigorous sex before heading back to the Gallagher house where Fiona and Lip had organised a celebratory party, which in true Gallagher style went well into the early hours of the next morning.

**Six months later:**

Riley’s big night had finally arrived and he was quietly losing his shit. For the first time ever he was about to perform his own music as himself. There were no giant spotlights, big red wig or over the top makeup. It was just Riley, a stool and his acoustic guitar. Riley was a nervous mess in the weeks leading up to the gig.

Finding a venue willing to give him a chance was surprisingly easy, especially when he expanded his search outside Boystown. In fact, tonight’s gig was the first of several for the weekend and what surprised him the most was how much these places were willing to pay him based off a single audition. As he sat on the stool, tuning his guitar he glanced over to the side where Ian and Quinn where sitting, chatting away and nursing a beer each. God, how he wished he could go back on his self-imposed rule about no drinking before a gig.

Ian felt a pair of strong arms snake their way around his chest, the hands groping him shamelessly and he smiled. Mickey had become a lot more comfortable with public displays of affection, which was an endless source of amusement to Ian.   
“Hey you” Ian greeted as he twisted around in the embrace.   
“Hey yourself” Mickey smirked, leaning down for a kiss.   
“Hey” Quinn mimicked, causing the pair turn to him and flip him off.   
“How’s Riley doing?” Mickey asked Quinn, leaning on the table as Ian sat on the stool beside him.   
“Fucking shitting himself” Quinn snickered, nodding towards the stage. “Have a look”   
The three looked over at Riley who was visibly shaking as he fumbled with the mic stand.         
“Don’t be an asshole” Ian chided before turning back to Riley and shouting. “C’mon man, play us a song!” Ian’s outburst caused Riley to look up with wide, terrified eyes and drop the mic he was trying to place in the stand. Ian quickly ducked his head and Mickey chuckled.           
“Gonna get a drink, want anything?” Mickey said to Ian.   
“Another of the same” Ian skulled the last of his beer.   
“I’ll have another drink too thanks!” Quinn called to Mickey’s retreating back.   
“What’s wrong with your legs?” Mickey shot back, flipping him off. Quinn rolled his eyes and stood up, only to be stopped by Ian’s hand on his arm.              
“He’ll get it” Ian said and then pulled out his phone and shot Mickey a quick text message. Both Quinn and Ian watched as Mickey pulled out his phone, read the message, turned back to them and rolled his eyes. Ian just chuckled knowingly. Minutes later Mickey returned to the table juggling three glasses in his hands.   
“Geez he has you on well trained, Mickey” Quinn commented as Ian slid a beer in his direction.   
“Shut the fuck up” Mickey said through gritted teeth as Ian planted a quick kiss on his cheek. Quinn sniggered but wisely chose to stay quiet and drink his beer. Before any of them could say another word Riley’s stuttering voice echoed through the bar.                
  
“How’re we all doing tonight?” Riley fiddled with his guitar, barely looking out at the thin crowd. He glanced over at Quinn, Ian and Mickey who were all watching him expectantly. Knowing he had his friend’s full attention and support geared him on.   
“My name is Riley and I’m gonna play a few songs for you tonight” Riley said before strumming at his guitar.   
Half way through Riley’s set Mickey stepped up behind Ian and wrapped his arms around the redhead’s neck. Ian leant into the embrace and smiled contentedly, being here with Mickey finally felt right. It felt like home.

 

 

 

                                          

                                                                                                                                                                                      


End file.
